The Nigel Havers Alliance was formed in 1997, shortly after the New Labour government took over. Britain was in turmoil and the political climate of this once great nation was shifting. Support for the Conservatives was dwindling following reports that John Major and Michael Heseltine were suffering from senile dementia. Consequently, the influence that Nigel Havers had once had over the Conservatives throughout the Thatcher and Major administrations disappeared.
As if that were not bad enough, things were about to get much worse. Ordinary Britons suddenly found it fashionable to support Tony Blair. People were inexplicably attracted to his speech impediment, finding his relentless repetition of the word ‘education’ somehow inspirational.
An enormous black cloud had formed over the country, and on 1st May, Blair’s government was elected. At the same time, one voice was emerging through the cloud. A voice with a dream. A voice that was not taken in by a man who once said, ‘Mine is the first generation able to contemplate the possibility that we may live our entire lives without going to war or sending our children to war’ (Tony Blair, May 1997). A voice who would not rest while there was a man in power who once said, ‘Wars seem to make Prime Ministers popular’ (Tony Blair, 1982). A voice that did not trust a party that would later say, ‘we have no plans to introduce University top-up fees, and have legislated to prevent their introduction’ (Labour Party manifesto, 2001).
That voice belonged to Our Saviour, Nigel Havers. Tired of being an invisible force behind British politics, pulling the strings of puppet leaders like Thatcher and Major, Nigel Havers saw that the time for action was now. An alliance of ideology, wisdom, dashing good looks, charm, and brute force was needed. Hence, on the 1st July 1997, the Nigel Havers Alliance was founded.
In July 1999, the Saviour announced that the NHA would ‘bite the bullet’ and enter the next election. Critics said it was too soon, that the NHA were not ready for the election. They were right. In the 2001 General Election, the NHA received the poorest result ever held by any political party in Britain: no votes. This by no means dispirited Nigel on His great quest for leadership. Many critics questioned the legitimacy of the NHA when this result emerged, as it showed that not even Nigel Himself had voted for the NHA. When asked why He did not vote for His own party, He claimed, ‘I did not want to let my fellow candidates down. They would have done the same for me, I am positive of that.’ What a neat guy.
This was a low point for the Nigel Havers Alliance, fuelling rumours of a coalition with the David Bellamy Front, and giving Nigel a vicious headache. Through sheer determination, the Saviour doubled His efforts and fought off stiff competition. By expanding the NHA Army and increasing international support, Nigel was able to celebrate a massive 100% increase in support for the NHA in the 2005 General Election, when one person voted for the NHA.
Since then, NHA members have been working their socks off to rally up some more support, so that one day, poor Nigel will not lose his election deposit.
If you wish to join the Nigel Havers Alliance and fight for your cause, email Comrade Donald at , and he will send you an information pack and forward your details to the NHA Army so that conscription of you and your family may take place.